The Armchair Outfitter

The Sporting Wife and I standing in a trout stream in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

“That’s quite a filly . . . She’s reasonable. A reasonable redheaded woman is hard to come by.”

- Robert Ruark, The Old Man and the Boy

Storing a Tent

This is the method I’ve always used for storing tents. It is time tested, and it is not found in the literature of any tent manufacturer. I have intentionally excluded any instructions regarding “pitching a tent.” Most of the manufacturers provide adequate instructions for this, and anyone who types those particular terms into an internet search engine is probably looking for something completely different from this site. At any rate . . .

1. Before you use the tent, take a picture of the tent in the factory storage bag. You might be tempted to omit this step. Do not. You will need to refer to this photograph later in the process, and after the tent has been removed from the storage bag, it will be too late.

2. Fold the tent carefully exactly the way it was folded when you removed it from the bag. Try to eliminate any air pockets from the tent. It helps to have a partner to help you with this step. If you have no partner, there are websites for that as well.

3. Try as best you can to stuff the tent, along with any poles and stakes that came with it, back into the bag. This may take several minutes. If you have not worked up a sweat, you are not performing this step correctly. After several attempts, you will either break the zipper on the bag or collapse in a heap on the ground. Do not be alarmed; this is normal. Take a few deep breaths, and consult a physician if you feel any inordinate physical or mental distress.

4. If you have already broken the zipper, skip this step and proceed immediately to Step 5. Remove the tent from the bag and unroll it completely. Repeat Step 3 up to the “collapse in a heap” part.

5. Cuss. Some persons with delicate sensibilities may question the necessity of this step, but in my experience it is invaluable.

6. Refer to the photograph from Step 1 of the tent in the bag as it came from the manufacturer. This is the last time you will ever see the tent and all its components in that bag. If you skipped Step 1, shame on you.

7. Remove the tent poles and stakes from the bag. This will provide more room for the tent, and will make these other items easier to lose before you need to use the tent again. If you do in fact lose these items, when you purchase a replacement tent, they will be in the bag provided by the manufacturer.

Well, there you have it. There are other methods, no doubt, but this has always been how I have stored my various tents, and I hold with tradition where possible.

“Never hire a pipe smoker. If they’re not smoking it, they’re packing it. If they’re not packing it, they’re cleaning it. In between all that, you won’t get a lick of work out of them.”

- Anonymous